A Dark Day

A Tough Day To Write

May 6, 2019

Today is one of those days I just don't feel like writing. I go through phases of feeing super empowered and super motivated and I cycle through to the bottom of that spectrum. I guess that's normal and I'm sure most of the people reading this can relate.

I've literally been staring at a blank screen for the past 30 minutes, hoping something motivational will come to mind to write about. But it hasn't so this is what I'm going to write about instead.

For my new readers, I was hit was some news over a month ago. I was being kicked out of my home and I lost a really big client which is sort of forcing me out my business too. In about 5-6 weeks I'll be moving back in with my parents to save money and well figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my life.

In the beginning, chaos mode pushed me into action and I developed a plan and was feeling pretty good about it. Then over this past weekend, reality sort of sank in and I'm starting to feel the phase 2 of this, which is doubt. Can I make it work? Will I succeed? The answers feel so blurry to me now.

It's amazing how mental that is though.

I guess it's sort of like this e-mail. Before I pressed down on the first key, I had a lot of doubt. Was I going to be able to write today? 

But here I am, writing.

Powering through the darkness that is trying to eat me away.

Because I know I am better than what I sometimes convince myself of.

And for whoever else needs to hear this today, you are better than what you think you are capable of too.

(wal•do) — Person
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