Today I wrote on my todo list, "Order a U-Haul moving truck" because on Saturday I will officially be moving all my stuff into storage. I think these past couple of months I've been a little bit in denial about my current situation and it's finally starting to sink in.
On June 19th I will be moving in with my parents and for me that will be marked as the first day of my new chapter.
These past couple of months it's been hard to plan what my future will consist of. Overall I think I have been consumed by the pressure and stress of it all. You see the whole point of even following this path is because I want financial freedom to pursue my own creative projects, but those lines become blurry when money is involved.
There are the things I WANT to do, and then things I CAN do to make money. And they become so close to each other that it's hard to see what is the right move. When I started my web business 10 years ago, I felt like I was making money doing something I loved, but then I got stuck in it and now it feels inescapable.
I feel like that is currently my biggest fear. Starting and committing to a path because it generates income, but not loving it enough to want to do it forever.
I sound spoiled but I truly want to do something I genuinely love. Not for the money, the clout or the attention, but because it feels like what I was born to do.
For example right now I am finding some early success with my tutorial-based YouTube channel. I'm currently releasing a new video twice a month. There is something I really really enjoy about making them, but sometimes the process starts to feel repetitive. Even more so, I know if I buckled down I could probably triple down on growth if I started releasing weekly videos.
But is that what I want my lifestyle to be? A guy who releases Unity niche-based tutorials every week?
I'm not hating on it, but I want to do so much more. I want to make video games, I want to make movies, I want to build software and so much more. That's the lifestyle I want. I want enough cash in the bank that I could wake up tomorrow and work on anything and not be locked into a routine of THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO SURVIVE.
So, what's the answer here? To be honest I'm not really sure, but I'm hoping I'll figure it out soon.
What I do know is that I will be trying it all and busting my ass until something feels right. Look forward to seeing new forms of content from me. I have a lot of ideas, but I want to wait until after the move to really focus on them.
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